Thursday, August 28, 2008

I've always like to write, and I express myself more clearly in writing than speaking -a skill I've unintentionally honed throughout my life. When I speak, my mind has a tendancy to go off in a hundred different directions. And even in those places where I tend to do my best thinking (the shower for instance) my mind hops around like a bunny. I've always just thought I was just scattered, but come to find out through a series of coincidences, that I'm ADHD. This surprise has answered so many questions about myself, and has made me re-evaluate my entire life and work career. It's a funny thought - the things that I always thought were negative personality traits that I've never been able to change - aren't my intentional fault! It's never been a matter of just having a strong enough will to change it, it's the way my brain chemistry works. Sort of a relief, yet dismaying at the same time. I've created work-arounds, and tried to learn to modify my behavior (ex: I have no sense of time passing. I swear I'm often late, no matter what I do) which work sometimes and sometimes not. And at least I have a clue now as to why people stare at me in surprise when something falls out of my mouth, usually because I've haven't been paying strict attention to the conversation, my mind has wandered, and whatever I've said is totally off subject. I feel I should just wear a button that says something along the lines of "Look, I'm not crazy - it's simply ADHD" But I'm finding out that ADHD isn't simple at all.